if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
