you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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