remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
