it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize