i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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