Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
