Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
