U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I touched a dick in church today
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
