Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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