Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
