she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
