this beer tastes like vomit already
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize