someone threw a dead crab at me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
