k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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