Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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