wanna go halves on a baby?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
