I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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