I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
