He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
