i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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