I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
