Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
