I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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