his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
