I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
