im six kinds of drunk right now
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
