Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
