pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
