maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
