I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
