The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
