the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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