Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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