omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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