I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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