He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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