I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
