i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
