I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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