dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
