Michael Bay diarrhea
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
