Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
