Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
