Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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