Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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