No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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