White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize