I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
