yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
