If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
