Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
