Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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