My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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