There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
