yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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