Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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