Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize