you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
