the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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