I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
