It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize