Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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